your homonormative hiatus: Centering and days off

Yesterday I had the rest of my orientation, and today I have off before I get really into things.

Highlights of day two orientation:

1. Centering/somatics at the beginning of the day

Because Gen5 works to eliminate sexual abuse, they've had to come up with an analysis of trauma. In this analysis, they've studied lots of neurobiology of ptsd, as well as other bodily healing practices like somatics. Gen5 maintains that when people react to stress, they go to one (or more) of five biological reactions - fight, flight, freeze, appease, and disassociate. Because neurons that fire together wire together (thank you, neuroscience class that I miraculously passed), our biological reaction becomes learned and enforced in our brains, so that we adopt it even when it's not necessarily the best option. However, Gen5 maintains that just as these reactions are learned, they can be un-learned. They do that by practicing centering - and the "practicing" part is emphasized, because these mechanisms become deeply engrained in us.

Because the nature of this work can trigger fight, flight, freeze, appease, and disassociate (it's interesting to think about which ones apply to you, and even how different ones can be learned in different relationships or circumstances), Gen5 has built centering and somatics into their daily practice. If people, when triggered, can take a moment to decide if their knee-jerk reaction is the right reaction, activism becomes less reactionary and more intentional.

There's so much more to say about this. Anyway - centering. Staci led us through it. I'll post the process of it later, after I've practiced it some and can make sure I've remembered it. Afterwards, we went through and said how we were feeling that day - because how we're feeling is the modality from which where we'll be conducting our work. Gen5 recently got rid of their office so they could concentrate funds on programming, so they're all working from different places. Even so, they do centering together on the phone.

Then Staci showed us what she calls "a somatic party-trick." We paired off. Then, she had us stand with our arms extended and respond to pressure from our partners. The first time, Staci pushed on my arm and instructed me to push back as hard as I could. The second, I was supposed to collapse, and nearly fell onto the couch. The third, I was supposed to center through the pressure, and think about my goals beyond the pressure. Then, we switched roles.

Staci and I talked about how, when we were fighting, we couldn't think of anything besides fighting more. And when she pushed me and I collapsed, she became indifferent to me and worried that she would hurt me. I felt the same when her arm was limp - why was I even bothering? When I was centering though, Staci felt interested in me, and interested in my thoughts. I felt sturdy.

Gen5 sometimes uses this somatic "party trick" when they're dealing with problems that the organization is facing, like a grant not working out. They'll play it out, with someone acting as the literal pressure on the organization. In this way, they can choose how they'll react in an intentional way - not one that's fighting for the sake of fighting, or caving in.

This might seem hokey, but I think there's value in thinking these things out spatially and physically, rather than just intellectually. All of these practices involve acknowledging that the body can be just as helpful - something I'm struggling with even during centering. I start thinking about all the things I'm supposed to feel, instead of just feeling. In any case, what makes gen5's use of somatics more than just white upper-class new-agey tactics is its analysis of its use in oppression of the body, see below.

2. Analyzing child sexual abuse (CSA) in terms of systems of oppression

I'll keep this shorter, but obviously it's very important to the work I'm doing. It feels like something I've already theorized, but systems of oppression are dynamic and sneaky, so it's always good to go back to them for a review session.

Gen5 theorizes that CSA is possible because of systems of oppression, and also helps further these systems of oppression. One example: their position is that child sexual abuse is an abuse of power, and teaches children to become complacent with power systems that abuse them. A white class-privileged man who abuses a child of color teaches that child race, class, and adult-child power. This is emphasized when that white man gets away with these acts because, at a certain point in the Child Protective Services, he can buy himself out of incarceration by signing the family up for private therapy sessions. Meanwhile, poor families and often families of color can't buy themselves out of this incarceration, and are less likely to confront the problem for fear of "airing dirty laundry" that could render their family member, possibly the family's source of income, in jail.

There are so many examples to go through it's nauseating. Another one: the boarding schools that indigenous children in the U.S. were sent to, in which sexual abuse was rampant - first, this sexual abuse was possible because of the imperialism and white supremacy that forced them from their communities and protection. Then, it perpetuated systems of oppression when abused children were taught that their bodies were inferior to white bodies and could do nothing to stop them.

After that discussion, we moved into Gen5's programming and goals for this year, which was less depressing. This work is intense in a lot of ways, and I'll keep writing/explaining that here. I think that's enough for now, though.

WOW this is long. So, like I mentioned, I have today off. I took the BART into San Francisco, had lunch with my mom's friend and her nieces, and then have been on Haight street since. To come: race/class/gentrification dynamics in the Bay Area. But in any case, it was incredible to see the Pacific and the Golden Gate and the mountains, and I had a delicious nutella-banana crepe, and my coffee in this coffee shop was free, I think because the worker was bein' flirty. So a good day. It's getting dark and I should take the bus back soon. Anyway, pictures! Here are some.